Thursday, November 25, 2010

ah i'm not dead yet! i'm very much alive.

and this song is playing like mad in my head.
please love the MV <3

Sunday, November 21, 2010

of controversies and forgetfulness

now playing : Butterfly Effect - Epik High

damn i love this song. /puts it on repeat
while on the subject of Epik High, Tablo's Stanford controversy is almost at an end. FINALLY MUCH? HURRAH!
throughout the whole ordeal shit crap whatever you want to name it, all i had to say to the people against Tablo was 'Don't you have anything better to do?'. while i applaud them for questioning and doubting, i can only facepalm when they still cannot accept the fact that Tablo did graduate from there although numerous evidence had been proven. some people can't give shit a rest.
prove shit to them and they doubt shit is shit.

which goes to show that we only believe what we want to believe, to an extent. an extension of the bias theory.

ah great, i forgot what i wanted to say. oh well..
i really had something to say...
ah, i can't remember.

nights world,

Friday, November 19, 2010

of frustrations and hope

a sketch dated 12 November 2010. and yes, it is from my journal that i regularly write and draw in.
don't pretend to be amazed that i keep one.
writing keeps me sane, drawing keeps me alive.

i'm not drawing well nowadays, let's be hoping i'll feel better and be more productive, yes?

currently reading : Birthday Stories - selected and introduced by Haruki Murakami
now playing : Iridescent - Linkin Park (the song that plays in my head when i need hope lol)

Monday, November 15, 2010

of stories and poorly executed shots

try to think about it, if all the world ceased to tell their stories, would the world come to a standstill?
living life by itself is somehow a telling of a story. our own story that we're forging, that we're still shaping as we live.
each of us has a story to tell. some mediocre, some terribly upsetting, some exciting and full of life. but each of our stories, are truly ours. a story that no one else can tell. we are product of the circumstances that happen to us, we are the accumulation of our past. we are at the same time; narrator, director, and main actor/actress.
what is my story as of today? how far has my story to go? have i passed the climax, or am i still telling the beginning? 

poorly executed shots i would like to attempt a reshot one day in the future. still from my beijing folder. it never ends OTL

now playing :
another G.O and Nassun collaboration! <3

going back to drawing,

Friday, November 12, 2010

of slow decisions and a hurting ankle

not really sure where i'm going with this.. let's just go with the flow, yes?
hmmm, should he be falling downwards, or bending downwards? ahhh... decisions decisions.
i think i might have thickened his hair too much.. hmm..

i hurt my leg yesterday again, same ankle aish. it doesn't hurt that much, but it's like red and white and black and blue. LOL. now i can have both sides of my ankle swollen! yay! hurray for me!

now playing : Disappear - Royal Pirates

Thursday, November 11, 2010

yesterday, i dreamt.
it seemed so real, i believed it was real. when he said those words, that he believed in me, i felt the satisfaction, the joy, the pleasure. it was so real.
when i woke, slowly, very slowly, it dawned upon me that it was just a dream.
nothing more.
and it hurts so much, to know that he still does not believe. he still does not accept.
to think that he probably will never. to think i'll have to tiptoe around him, avoiding the issues that he will not understand.
it hurts.
i take back my words. give me back my nightmares. i don't want to dream such sad dreams anymore.

Monday, November 08, 2010

of fitting a sphere and tightrope walking

breathing the same poisonous gas.
mouthing the same hurting words.

like someone pushing a sphere where a cube should be at.
some things don't fit. sure, with horrendous amounts of pressure applied, the sphere will fit, but it just won't be right.
its flaws become more pronounced. there will be holes to fill, at some places there will be too much to handle.

the image is horrible, it is just wrong, to assume a sphere as a cube.
you see, a sphere is not a cube. and a cube is not a sphere.

most of the time, illusions prove to be more beautiful than the truth.
the truth hurts. i have just begun to see the reality behind this.

ah my finals results will be given out this week. i've gotten chemistry, pa and maths.
i think i should dig a hole somewhere and bury myself alive. not like i actually studied for the exam or actually care about the results or scored terribly in them, but it's just that i don't want to sit for anymore papers that i have no interest in. OTL
during the exam, the only driving force was the uneasy feeling that i had not tried my hardest. that said, it was not enough to push me to study as i would normally do, i guess it was half of what measly amount of work i would put in. oh well.

someone i look up to said that i (generally the whole world actually) should stop thinking about the reasons behind the events that happen to me. to stop asking the 5W1H. to stop questioning the logic behind the illogical things that happen.
to just let the events flow as they come. he said that things happen for a reason. as to what reasons that drive them to occur, they are not for me to know. not for us to know. one day, we might find the answers that we have seeked for since the beginning, but until that time comes, we don't have to labour ourselves trying to find that truth.
i agree, up to a point. i think that we ought to question the reality behind the things that happen, the reasons behind the illogical. not to anguish ourselves on the subject, but to dwell on the matter long enough to feel it shaping. not all answers are immediate, not all answers take forever. i think as life throws us situations to deal with, we ought to (at least i should) try to grasp the situation, allow ourselves to become attached, to allow our emotions to lead us, before letting go, and 'surrendering', abandoning the pursuit of the truth. and not to think of the subject anymore. push the matter to the deepest recesses of our minds, to cut all the strings attached to it. and just wait for the time when the truth will be made known to us.

like penguins on a tightrope, like butterflies on a jagged saw
your empty promises sit on the tip of your tongue

i like tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays! 8D goodbye monday, i'll be having my weekly dose of favourite days starting tomorrow <3

currently reading : Haruki Murakami and the Music of Words - Jay Rubin
currently listening to : Last Luv - MBLAQ